Too many days gone by

Yes sir, just too many days. Too many since I crawled into my little nook here and took pen in hand. Too many since I even felt like putting anything on paper. But today I finished a blog I started months ago and published it. Today, I hope I’ve regained the desire to write. It’s funny how life can affect us so drastically.  Who knew the degree to which one can withdraw within themselves and not want to come back out. I have found out, not by choice, but by circumstance, just how much one can hurt. I’m not going to complain  here in this blog but rather than that, I hope this can bring someone some understanding.

We all have losses in our life at one time or another. We all feel grief. We all react to that grief differently. Some can take it in stride and go on about their lives as if it were an ordinary day. Others cry and carry on and include everyone around them in their grief. I guess they are probably the lucky ones. The ones that let their feelings out for all to know. People respond, listen, console, and pamper those that are in a tender state of mind. Perhaps it helps one move on to be able to vent freely to others. Then there are those of us that mourn quietly, withdraw, ask questions only of ourselves, try to understand without seeking help and basically quit living. All these methods are normal and all are acceptable ways of handling events beyond our control. However, if you are one of those who keeps things inside, to yourself, you must be aware of what you are doing and why. You must control your emotions and not let them control you. Don’t withdraw to the point of severe depression. Understand what you are feeling and admit to yourself that you are in a fragile state. Pamper yourself a little bit. Give yourself permission to be, out of sorts and in a delicate state of mind. If you can’t do that on your own then you do need to seek help. Talk to someone. It is imperative to your own well-being to open up to at least one person. Maybe it is a friend or maybe you need to actually go to counseling. If you are still on top of the situation, you will know that you need to get help. You may not do it immediately, but you will know. Those who are in complete denial will say to themselves, “I’m okay. I’m handling it fine. I don’t need anyone.” These are the ones who need it most. If you are that person, go, now, as quickly as you can and find someone to talk to.

I have worked through my grief and depression mostly on my own. I didn’t do it well and most certainly should have sought out the help of a professional. But, I knew I was in that sort of state. I wasn’t denying it. I wasn’t hiding it. I did, withdraw from life to a certain degree. I stayed at home, not caring to see many people and I let most of my phone calls go to voice mail. I didn’t go outside. Some days I didn’t dress or comb my hair. All these things, I knew were bad signs. I have worked through all this and am finally taking an active part in my life again. I do still feel though, that I should make an appointment and talk to a professional about much of the stuff that has been keeping me in that state of severe depression. I believe it will help to talk and have someone listen. That is what I am here today to tell you. At some point, even though you have gotten through the rough times,  even though you are feeling relatively normal again, go get help. Talk, and let it out. It won’t hurt you and in the long run should give you some peace of mind about your feelings. I’m going to. eventually. Writing helps, but cannot serve as my only means of release. I’m back to gardening, and doing crafty things, even going to a few of my favorite second-hand stores and now, possibly, hopefully, back to writing. I’ve missed it. I haven’t felt whole since I quit publishing. Obviously, as I look at the length of this, I’m regaining my desire to share with others, to evolve, to move on and yes, to feel the joy and fulfillment that only writing can bring to those of us who try to succeed in that field.

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