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To Know Grief

How do you get over a hurdle when your heart won’t let you leap

how do you move on when you can barely pick up your feet

to every one around you you seem to be okay

you put on the same smile and face each and every day

moving sometimes without purpose just do what needs to be done

you do what’s expected of you from each and everyone

of those who think they know you but never see through your pain

there’s no need to speak of it there is nothing there to gain

why upset anyone else this is your burden to carry alone

knowing someday the pain will ease but will never be completely gone

as you tell yourself you can accept it your eyes swell with tears

as that’s what you’ve been saying for just over two long years.

Not ready to let go though you had known for a long time

you hung on to every breath and held her hand in thine

and when the last one came yours had failed you too

without her it seemed that breathing  was more than you could do

you held her in your arms afraid to lay her down

you cried silently ear to her chest listening for a sound

it didn’t come  then you wept again as they laid her in the ground.

 

 

Loss

 

It’s difficult to write these days

Simply have no words to say

no words for what I feel

too much loss becomes unreal

minds and bodies shut down

the fight seems too profound

let go, no,

064

 

 

 

 

 

 

but the alternate

eventually,

 

takes it’s toll …..

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It’s Halloween, Scare If You Dare

All the leaves that had turned orange, red and gold

are gone now and the bare branches of the trees

reach like skeletons in the night

shaking in the breeze.

Their shadows on the ground

are a fearful site

bobbing and shaking all about

giving mortal souls a fright.

As the moon shines bright over head

skeletal shadows reaching everywhere

MS 2

I walked past the grave yard filled with dread

hallowed sounds coming from within there.

The reaching skeleton arms

I saw waving all about on the ground

I was running scared, running fast

and I was homeward bound.

Before I could get there

one of the shadows grabbed me down another grabbed my hat

for a moment I looked around

still not knowing where I was at.

Getting up I started to run20151028_163701-1

my next fall was abrupt

I shook my head and tried again,

pulling myself up.

What’s this  I was home in my room

on the floor beside my bed

had all this been a dream? I laughed

What was there here to dread?

I then knew what was going on

it was Halloween again

this is when the bad dreams come along

at night I could never win.

I have always had bad dreams before Halloween night

waking up thinking things are all wrong20151028_155956

I’m filled with so much fright

feeling I’m not where I belong.

Crawling back up the side of my bed

and making my way to the middle

I pulled the blankets over my head

when suddenly I heard a scary giggle

I slowly pulled the blankets back

20151029_174825 (1)so I could take a peek

I’m not dreaming now  what’s going on,

what is it that you seek

The moon was bright the skeleton arms

were reaching in my window

they hung on the ceiling and across the wall

waving all around as outside the wind did blow.

I heard it again  that laughing sound

and that wicked giggle

back under the blankets I wanted to go

but was to scared to even wiggle

We’ve come for you a hoarse voice said,

to take you in the night

we’re going to chop you up, put you in a stew,

                                   and eat you on Halloween Night.

You’ll be so tasty with the spiders and snakes,

the rat’s tail and the pigs eye

now have you anything to say for yourself

before we grab you  from that bed and you die.

20151001_183644-1 (1)“Why me, I shouted, what did I do

why must I die this way?

go away, eave me alone,

oh how I hate Halloween day.

Because you’re mean  you are a scoundrel

and you have hateful ways

you never spend anytime with your little brother

or ask him if he wants to play.

“What? What’s going on?

then the giggle turned into a big laugh

my blankets were being pulled off the bed

as at them I tried to grab.

Then suddenly popped up  two heads from below

right out from under my bed

so this is what was going on

that caused me so much dread

My little brother and his best friend

laughing loudly as they got up

We fooled you  yes we did  you were so scared

I bet you almost threw up.

No but I’m going to get you

I said as I jumped from the bed

they started to run I was right behind

then something grabbed my head.

20151028_160209-1I turned and one of the branch shadows grabbed my arm

it drug me to the window and out

now it’s my brother who every night

wakes up to his own screams and shouts.

An Angel Walks Amongst Us

20151017_181322

There is an Angel that walks through out our home

she’s been here forever and a day

she shows herself now and then

and she’ll never go away

It has been said that, they, the innocent ones,

that were taken through foul play

shall stay as Angels  to fulfill what they should have done

until the right time

finally comes their way.

Our Angel had been dealt an extremely  horrific end

No one saw it coming, no one could step in

She was at home with the children when the evil’s plot was spun

he decided her fate, carried out his plan, not to be undone

she still remembers the evil bursting in but not too much of the rest

what she remembers most was the warm, red, gushing from her chest

and the little boy watching from the door

she waved him on and watched him run as she fell upon the floor

she prayed for the evil not to follow … then…  she heard the sound once more

Thank God her prayers were answered

there had been no time to ask for any thing more

now, the evil laid beside her there

just inside the door

She could hear the baby crying in the crib

close by in the kitchen nook

but no matter how hard she tried

she couldn’t raise her head to look

sirens were wailing but they seemed so far away

she realized by the time they got there she’d already be on her way

and as the sirens closed in she could still hear the baby cry

and then she heard nothing…. for it was her time to die

Now  she could see and hear them as above she seemed to float

people scurrying around rushing

and some even weeping as the horror they did note

Someone took the baby from the crib then took the boy in hand

the child turned and waved back to her, saying, “Mommie, I understand.”

Weeks later as she watched, the family returned to the house

Others had been there before them trying to get the stains all out

when nothing else seemed to work they covered the stains with some rugs

saying it’s all they could do as their shoulders they all shrugged

The children were the only ones that seemed to understand she was there

Sometimes she’d kiss their cheek or tug a tuft of their hair.

But the elders seemed puzzled at the games she played with the kids

Didn’t seem to understand anything she did

Why is that door open again, who moved the shoes that were sat there on the floor

how did that vase get tipped over, questions, more questions galore

Then one day as she was drifting in and out of the rooms,

looking for the children, the house was filled with more than gloom.

The sadness had become overbearing, the elders  couldn’t cope.

They picked up the babies walked out of the house never looking back as she had hoped

One baby over his shoulder another one walking at his side

and then she saw it, they both smiled at her, with a twinkle in their eyes.

so she went too from the house of sadness, just before they closed the door

now she knew where ever they went she’d be with them ever more.

Through the years she danced through the rooms of every house they lived

from time to time giving a tweak on the cheek of one of the kids

The grown-ups stopped complaining about little things moved around

like the time they found the coffee pot in the fridge

and the kitchen towels in the drawer turned completely upside down

Sometimes a chair would be turned, sometimes she’d move the broom

sometimes the curtains would hang straight and still, then suddenly billow,

though there was not a  bit of a breeze in the room

Everyone seemed to adjust to having her around

but of that horrible Halloween eve they never spoke a sound

No one told the children where their mother had gone

no one explained why they never ever again would hear her sing her songs

I , however, as a young child remembered that night with fear

and carried that memory with me for oh so many years

Of recent  I have come to know her now, more than I ever did

and welcome her presence in our home like did as a kid

A wisp of air, a flash of light, I see her now and then

but mostly she moves unnoticed room to room and back through it all again.

I often feel  the feather like touch softly stroke my cheek

and wondered if it is still her, looking after me

One night not long ago she whispered in my ear

I turned and she was gone but I felt that she was near

as she whispered she had touched my shoulder

I knew the touch of her hand

It brought warmth to my soul, a sense of peace, and helped me understand.

Those touches as she passes by me, the shadows in the night

I know now why they don’t bother me any more or cause me any fright

I know that beside me she will always be20151016_230716

Until we both walk to together

into eternity

Ah,Yes To The Nooks And Crannys

I have a little writing nook

in it my desk, computer and writing books

a dictionary, thesaurus, a lot of pens

a book of rhyming words for when my imagination ends

All the tools that I might need

a writers handbook to help me with my deed

another one on “Increasing your word Power”

this one I’ve read by the hour

Why you ask, what is it you seek

I answer I’m tired of being meek

I want to make my voice heard

I want to share my thoughts and my words

Someday I might write a book

right here in my little nook

it’s my spot a place I am free

in my nook I’m just me

I’m not mom or a wife

I’m not grammie I have my life

I’ve raised a whole passel of kids

and some grand kids too

a whole lot of animals

sometimes it seemed I had a zoo

I’ve been teacher, Dr., nurse and coach

taxi, chef, Veterinarian all these I boast

seamstress, secretary and Boss

most of these talents I’ve never lost

but now it’s time for me to be me

maybe take some of those memories

put them to paper and set them free

I have a life time of stories that I can share

poems about my past and tales of why I care

So every day I take some time

to come and sit in this nook of mine

For a little while I’m just me

and everyone knows to let me be

let me hold up in my nook

who knows, I might be writing that book

The Best Wagon Ride Ever

My Grandson was here today

asked me would I play

and help him make his wagon go

pleading with his brown eyes so

I stopped what I was doing

to give him a hand

riding his wagon down the hill

He said, “Grammie, I knew you’d understand.”

I pointed the direction

gave him a little push

he got to the bottom ending up

in a huckleberry bush

“Grammie that was really neat

can we do it a gain?”

he exclaimed with sparkling eyes

and the biggest grin

Smiling at him I said,

“Let’s try some weight in the back.”

Full of excitement he responded

“Oh Grammie, You’d do that!”

“Sure lets go for a ride

you sit there in the front

don’t let us turn over

or run into a big tree trunk”

We got in

I gave the wagon a push

Down the hill faster than ever

right past that huckleberry bush

Laughing together

he said, “Grammie you’re so much fun

That was really awesome

Can we do another run?”

We rode one more time

all the way down the hill

at the bottom falling out

for both of us a thrill

We giggled so much

laying there in the grass

He said, “Grammie your’re the best ever!”

Now…could a grammie ask for more than that!

Just a Walk On The Beach

Ziva, Belgian Malinois 65 lbs and Lollie, Border Collie/Lab 85 lbs Both are two years old this month. Great dogs!

Ziva, Belgian Malinois 65 lbs and Lollie, Border Collie/Lab 85 lbs
         Both are two years old this month.   Great dogs!

I love to walk along the ocean beach

feel the spray upon my face

water droplets dancing on my skin

like Tinkerbell flittering all over the place

To view the blessings from the Lord

to breath in natures sea air

watch cotton-like billowing clouds

floating gracefully every where

The waves roll in sounding like

horses stampeding on an open plain

they arrive with such driving force

then gently retreat to the sea again

I used to come here alone

and quietly take my walks

and sometimes with the Lord

have some little talks

Today I came here with my dogs

to take them for a stroll

at least that’s what I thought I’d do

but the girls just want to go

As fast as they can

running wildly everyplace

I hang on tight to the leashes

fighting to keep up the pace

We rush along the seashore

darting quickly here and there

my walk is a run and my talk with God

has now become a prayer.

Be Understanding of Age

I hate getting older although I find that I’m bolder

than I ever used to be

My colors are brighter my mood is lighter

and I find nothing much embarrasses me

People seem to know  that sometimes I’m slow

not in a hurry  to get any where

Sometimes my husband has to check what I’ve done

and even remind me to brush my hair

When thats done and he wants to go some where in the car

I plop my wide brimmed purple hat on my head

and he looks at me with a smile and  just says”Are you sure you didn’t want to wear the red”

he opens my door, kisses me once more, and we drive off not knowing how far.

I pay no attention to time and I think  that’s just fine

but I guess  I ought to even though I don’t really want to

and maybe I should even remember to dine

And I’d just as soon not have to  sleep

I think it would be really neat if that wasn’t a necessary thing

I could putter all night and in the morning light

still feel like I slept like a queen

If my bones didn’t hurt I could do much more work

and still have the energy to go to town

I’ll keep trying you won’t find me crying

and I won’t let it get me down.

No it’s no fun getting old and it gets worse so I’m told

but I’ll keep doing the best that I can

I’ll fight this stuff and try to stay tough

and then hope for the rest that you’ll all understand.

Whatever I do it has no reflexion on you so don’t worry

about what people say

Just know that I’m fine with these choices of mine

and I’m having a delightful day

the only stipulation to all our jubilation that might have a bearing on our fun

is that  we are home by dark and the car is parked and we are planning the next day where to run

Awesome is such a great feeling!

Just picked up the newspaper this morning. It’s a small community focused paper but has lots of interesting features in it. I however, had one thing of interest this morning. The Poetry Corner. I went straight to that page and low and behold, it was there. They have published yet another of my poems. Wow, this is so exciting. My poem was published last month and now another one this month.  I am so thrilled!newspaper, poem 8-1-15 002